Confessions of a not-so-perfect good girl

(The title of this post was inspired by my favorite blogger, Mira who recently published an interesting post – Confessions of a professional people- pleaser.)

(Have you ever wondered why is it said so!?)

I’ve always heard people branding me as this perfect student, perfect daughter, perfect friend or whatsoever. I used to be excellence in studies, so responsible in getting my job done. I strictly follow the rules and regulations of what is right and wrong. I respect my dad’s words who means the world to me. I was like this girl whom your parents would compare to all the times like- “bas ithne number? Sharma ji ki beti ke 98% aaye hai!!”,”study like her”, “be more responsible like her”, “Look how humble and modest she is, learn from her!!”.

Well, let me tell you my side of story.,

First of all, I’m not perfect and I’m not fake. I make mistake, countless mistakes. I say stupid things. I hurt people too and have scars left by people who did me wrong. I’m guilty of so many things that left unspoken and also being good at studies does not mean he or she is good or perfect in literally everything.

I’m just an another normal teenager, wreaking my mind and constantly fighting with myself. The tag ‘Perfect’ or ‘Good’ that sticks with my name all the time is not who I am. It is as if no one understood what the hell I’m going through in my life. They think I have it all in the easy way.

1. Getting lost in ‘what if situations’

What will a good girl do in this situation? What if I mess this up? What if they see my insecurities? What If they don’t like me then? I get so lost in the ocean full of fear. People always tend to expect or need a lot from me so if I make one mistake, they get disappointed as if I’ve disgraced them. Well, here is the flash news – I’m a teenager and my mind is a mess.
The constant pressure of always being perfectly good is sometimes so unbearable.

2. Mean comments

There was this one time when all my classmates were mimicking and acting out like how our teachers behave. I also stood up and acted like one of our super crazy math teacher. Suddenly a girl pointed her finger at me and said “You too mock teachers? I thought you were a good girl”
I mean, seriously? That’s what everyone else was doing and I’m the only person who gets this question?

“Good girls likes only this genre of music. Why do you listen to hip hop and punk?”
And anyway, what does being good actually have to do with music?

“You are sensitive and care too much. You can’t survive in this world!!”
” It’s exhausting, watching you be the good girl all the time. You need to start enjoying your life”, ” Nobody likes to date a boring girl”

I get it, being good comes with lot of terms and conditions to follow but this is too much bullshit.

3. Everyone thinks I’m surreal

“We’re just kids tryna’ to understand the world
You’re still a only a boy who is scared of a good girl”

Ready – song by Alessia

People really don’t believe or in better words, suspect me all the time. Even if I try to help someone with good intentions, they think I’m a people-pleaser.
” eww, why is she nice all the time?”
“she’s just acting all good to get something in return”
“Good girls are bad girls who still haven’t get caught. I don’t trust her”

I’m a teenage girl. I don’t flirt. I don’t drink or have party every weekend. I don’t start a drama to get attention. I prefer career over anything else. I face many issues alone but will do anything to see someone else smile. I still take permission for every little thing. I love getting tattoos. My favorite color is black and not pink. I do listen to rap, funk and K-pop music. Yes, we do exist. Why is it so hard for anyone to believe me? I’m a good girl with odd attitude, got a problem?

4. “Cause who am I if not exploited?”

I love to help others but people take serious advantage of that. I care too much until I collapse and nobody notices. Some even talk to me only to ask favors and once done, I become invisible to them again. “My mom will only believe if you say so can you please… tell this lie to her?”, ” Here comes my topper bestie, can you do my assignment too? Don’t forget to write my name below it before submission”.

That’s when I learned – Givers have to set limits because takers don’t have any.

5. Finally….. my suppressed other side

“If I show you all my demons
And we dive into the deep end
Would we crash and burn like every time before?
I would tell you all my secrets
Wrap your arms around my weakness
If the only other option’s letting go
I’ll stay vulnerable, yeah”

Vulnerable – song by Selena Gomez

The lyrics I just mentioned here speak volumes. I want people to see me, for who I truly am instead of focusing only on my bright side. The darkness and the demons that I fight everyday, the rage, jealousy, grief, fear and all the other dark thoughts that I try hard not to unleash. People expect me to be happy and nice all the time. I don’t understand – How can you expect someone to put a perfect smile all the time? If I’m in a bad mood, I can be a bit arrogant, mad and total bitch so if you can’t handle the other half of me, then I’m sorry, we’re done. If you can’t dance with my demons, neither can us.

I’m not the perfect girl who will get victory and be successful in the end, have a good boyfriend or be someone that everybody likes. I’ll always be the shy, clumsy, strange girl who has social anxiety and falls in love with people who don’t know she exists.

All I want to say is- Nobody is perfect. Nobody has it easy. We all have our own problems. You never know what a person is going through so pause before you judge, mock or expect anything from others.

I’m not saying being good is exhausting or you have to a bad person or something. Be humble, kind and do help others if you can, don’t even hesitate for a second. But don’t waste your time on those people who tries to dry you out in the name of help. Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people. Be someone who takes you as their role model but never push yourself way too hard to fall everything that you do, think and act under perfection. Be such a beautiful soul that people carve your vibes. If people mock you for being good or soft all the time, just remember – “Having a soft heart in this cruel world is courage not weakness”. I said courage because despite all the darkness, hardships, rejection and mean comments, you still stood there as a hope, tried to be the light in someone’s else life unlike others. You decided to fight against them, every single damn day and that my dear, is an act of heroism.

I’m coming back to where I started- I’m not perfect and I’m not fake. My imperfections make me real because,

“There is no perfection (in this world), only beautiful versions of brokenness”

Shannon L. Alder


56 thoughts on “Confessions of a not-so-perfect good girl

  1. I loved loved loved it!! Feels like someone spoke everything I wanted to!! Feeling attached to the post!
    It’s very courageous always to accept everything in yourself and that’s what makes us exceptional and solely US! More power girl! Keep shining! No one is perfect and that’s the thing which makes every individuals perfect in their way ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! This is seriously an amazing post! You are absolutely correct, no one is perfect, we are humans, and we can make mistakes! How can anyone even expect how hard the situation is for us. Why to ever judge anyone?
    Overall, it was the most inspirational post Ive ever read! Wonderful post!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I can relate to this a lot, you know. My friends, a few years ago, couldn’t have imagined me saying anything mean against anyone and would be really surprised if I did. They would make fun of me if I ever got angry. Moreover, perhaps the thing in this article with which I can relate to the most is the concept of givers and takers. Not just my ‘Oh, come on! We are friends, right? Please help me.’-type classmates, but my actual friends as well would constantly borrow my work and expect me not to do anything if, by mistake, they lost my notebook.
    So, I did something different. I decided to embrace my ‘dark side’, to quote you, and showed it to them. I showed them that I can get angry, that I can make fun of people and that sometimes, when I say that I would send someone my work on WhatsApp, I might not mean it.
    It took some time for people to get used to this. Even now, some claim, “He was such a good child earlier. What happened to him?” But now, I have gotten used to it.
    I still don’t swear and do not talk much about my personal life to people, but at least now, my friends do not tell me to go away when they are talking about something that, according to them, a ‘good child’ like me shouldn’t hear.
    Very relatable article, indeed.
    Keep it up!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for appreciating and sharing your experience. I can totally understand how you must have felt because I’d been in that situation. People made fun of me too when I got mad or angry. I don’t understand why they think being good doesn’t mean that you don’t know or feel everything.
      You made the right choice. One shouldn’t be afraid of showing his dark emotions because as humans, we all have to accept and embrace them.
      Thanks a lot once again.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This was such a beautiful and motivational post, Pavithra🥺
    We really do need to live our life like we want to and accept ourselves as we are and not give a shit about what other people judge/think about you! People come under pressure thinking of what others will say and change into a different person. Even if they do change, there is some scar of the old us deep inside which seeks to come out and show the world what it is – all we need to do is not hide it! I loved this post so much!❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot ❤️❤️
      You are absolutely right. Couldn’t agree more!!
      We should never lose our true identity because of some mean comments and advice from people who know nothing about us.
      Thanks once again for sharing your thoughts into it!! It means a lot to me. 😍❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m not a girl.

    Still, this is the most relatable post I read this week.

    So much you speak up in your post. You are the live example of my poem – “Be the voice”. This poem encourages an individual to stand on his or her feet.

    I am responsible for the roles I play in my life. It may be of a son or a friend, I wish for everyone’s bright future.

    Enemies are not cruel. They are innocent, unaware of their mistakes. We should be kind to the people. It makes a difference.

    I would like to die for good reason but I wish to live 1000 times for billions of humans like me. 💡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your compliments 🙏🏻
      Your words meant a lot.
      One should never lose his true, good and innocent self. ✨
      You are absolutely right. 💯
      Keep shining as always!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I have been this good girl and also a girl who is given examples of other good girls. So I can relate to your side of the story as well as feel what other people might have felt like. And yeah, not to forget, You write so beautifully. 😍

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Well first of all I love Olivia Rodrigo’s refs here!! I am so obsessed with her rn like ahhh
    And man, this post is one of the most accurate things I have ever read…every single point is right in the feels
    Its like at this point everyone expects so much from me that I am tired. and tired isn’t even my condition right now its like an inherent part of my personality

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is so relatable Pavithra, people think I’m a ‘good girl’ too and are shocked when I like things I stereotypically shouldn’t like which is so wrong. Thanks for sharing this – great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Such an awesome post!!! It’s takes great deal of courage to accept as you are, to write the flaws about yourselves!!! I feel attached to this post…. And that line ‘you’re sensitive and care too much’ this line just moved me to my place when I used to hear this.. I truly believe that there’s nothing sort of thing like if you’re sensitive, care about others, help others in ways possible.. You can’t survive in this world. I, too have listened such comments like i have to be clever and blah blah.. To survive in this world.. But what I think is.. best life with survival in this world is where our heart directs us not comments!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much for your heartily compliments!! I didn’t expect so many people will relate to this.
      You are so right and that’s what I believe in too. Your last line said everything!! Thanks once again for sharing your thoughts into it. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  10. absolutely stunning!!😊😊❤️❤️❤️ No one is perfect. “by not being perfect makes u perfect!!” 😊 Lovely post Pavithra


  11. The older you get, the less tolerant you become. People took advantage of my kindness too. Now I don’t deal with these people and have no friends as a result 🤷‍♀️ I got so sick and tired of them taking, taking, taking so the moment I stopped giving, I became invisible to them too. Your post speaks volumes to me and it’s relatable to the Millenial generation as well 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Couldn’t agree more!! I can understand you. Asking help from others is fine but no one should treat them invisible after that, it’s just so selfish.
      Thank you so much, happy to hear that ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  12. True. Takers have no limits. Givers will have to set limits but if you’re a giver, that sounds so difficult. I hate it when people stereotype me and expect me to act in a certain way because I’m not what they consider to be a free bird. There’s so much wisdom in here, Pavithra. We come across so many kinds of people in our lives and those experiences teach us a lot of lessons!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I feel more attached to this post. I’m tired of listening to the phrases like Hey, I never thought you’re a funny person. I thought you’re innocent. Seriously, I started to hate these phrases nowadays. Some people even gave me advice like don’t be innocent otherwise people will cheat you. But the fact is they don’t even know about my character and I’m not even innocent. I only express myself with people I’m comfortable with. But they start to offer their loads of free advice on how to lead my life and how to change my real self. And that mocking thing, I too had experienced that.🙁 Now I started to embrace and love my uniqueness and It feels so great!! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m so delighted to hear that. I get it, I’ve received thousands of advices like that. Funny how they act like they know everything about us.
      People think changing yourself entirely is the only solution but according to me, we should learn and embrace our flaws to be a better person, instead of forgetting and losing our real identity.
      Everyone is unique and special ✨
      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts too!!! ❤️ ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Preach girl !!!!!!!!! You said what you said and I love that for you ……I think we have really similar personalities and you give me hope , since you’re older and thriving in life it gives me hope that good girls don’t get crushed by this world like they say…..everything you said in this post is nothing but facts, and yes nobody has it easy !! Loved this post , out of all the languages you decided to speak facts and I respect that !! Im so glad to have found your blog 🥰🥰🥰💜💜💜

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much Mira!! You have no idea how much that means to me. I’m glad it gave you a little hope because I’ve seen many of my friends suppressing their good side and acting all awkward and weird in order to just fit in with the so called ‘cool youngsters’.
      That’s so sweet of you. I’m glad to find you through blogging too 💜💜💜

      Liked by 1 person

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